Groomed.-Desiree

Soft White Underbelly

Soft White Underbelly

47 min, 25 sec

Desiree recounts her experiences with family neglect and being groomed online, detailing her complex feelings and the impact these events had on her life.

Summary

  • Desiree, a 15-year-old from San Pedro and Torrance, California, shares her life of shifting between her separated parents' homes.
  • She discusses feeling unseen and neglected by her parents, leading her to seek attention and a sense of family through the internet.
  • Desiree details being groomed online multiple times, starting from a young age, and the resulting emotional trauma and self-harm.
  • She reflects on her troubled family dynamics, her struggles with intimacy and self-worth, and the impact of social media on her life.
  • Desiree expresses a desire for change and highlights the complexity of her emotions and the challenges she faces as a teenager.

Chapter 1

Introduction and Background

0:00 - 30 sec

Desiree introduces herself and discusses her family background, including her parents' separation and her living situation.

Desiree introduces herself and discusses her family background, including her parents' separation and her living situation.

  • Desiree is a 15-year-old who grew up in Torrance, California, and alternates between her separated parents' homes.
  • Her parents separated when she was very young, and they were never married.
  • She maintains a relatively good relationship with both parents, despite feeling life is complicated.

Chapter 2

Feelings of Neglect and Turning to Social Media

0:30 - 1 min, 12 sec

Desiree speaks about feeling neglected by her parents and how this led her to seek attention and comfort on social media.

Desiree speaks about feeling neglected by her parents and how this led her to seek attention and comfort on social media.

  • Desiree has felt unseen and neglected by her parents, leading her to feel other priorities overshadowed her needs.
  • She turned to the internet and social media to fill the void for love and attention, which started from a young age.

Chapter 3

Experiences with Online Grooming

1:42 - 48 sec

Desiree recounts her experiences with being groomed online by multiple individuals.

Desiree recounts her experiences with being groomed online by multiple individuals.

  • Desiree has been groomed online nearly 10 times, starting with a person she met at an LGBTQ youth center when she was around 11.
  • Her interactions included viewing pornographic material and sharing personal photos, which led to feelings of guilt and trauma.

Chapter 4

Early Introduction to LGBTQ Community and First Groomer

2:29 - 2 min, 4 sec

Desiree describes her early exposure to the LGBTQ community and her first encounter with a groomer.

Desiree describes her early exposure to the LGBTQ community and her first encounter with a groomer.

  • Introduced to the LGBTQ community by her mother, Desiree attended a youth group where she met her first groomer, a 17 or 18-year-old named Jordan.
  • Jordan initiated contact with Desiree and slowly groomed her through online communication, leading to inappropriate sexual behavior.

Chapter 5

Impact of Online Grooming and Neglect

4:34 - 2 min, 22 sec

The conversation continues around Desiree's experiences with online grooming and feelings of neglect from her parents.

The conversation continues around Desiree's experiences with online grooming and feelings of neglect from her parents.

  • Desiree reflects on how her parents' priorities left her feeling neglected, spurring her deeper into harmful online interactions.
  • She explains how social media provided a platform for her to receive the attention she felt deprived of at home.

Chapter 6

Family Dynamics and Search for Love

6:55 - 2 min, 25 sec

Desiree discusses the complexities of her family relationships and her search for love and attention.

Desiree discusses the complexities of her family relationships and her search for love and attention.

  • She feels disconnected from her family, lacking the familial love that she craves.
  • Desiree's reliance on the internet as an escape from her tumultuous home life is highlighted.

Chapter 7

Desiree's Struggle with Self-Identity and Family Relationships

9:20 - 1 min, 50 sec

Desiree opens up about her struggle with self-identity and strained relationships within her family.

Desiree opens up about her struggle with self-identity and strained relationships within her family.

  • She shares her internal conflict regarding her sexual orientation and gender identity, and her lack of attachment to family members.
  • Desiree describes her feelings of being detached from reality and her reliance on the internet for escape.

Chapter 8

Desiree's Confrontation with Trauma and Online Abuse

11:10 - 2 min, 14 sec

Desiree confronts the trauma from her online experiences of grooming and sexual abuse.

Desiree confronts the trauma from her online experiences of grooming and sexual abuse.

  • She describes the emotional impact of being molested by Jordan and her complex feelings towards the incident.
  • Desiree also touches on the police investigation into her abuse and the case's abandonment.

Chapter 9

Further Online Exploitation and Desiree's Response

13:24 - 1 min, 57 sec

Desiree discusses further instances of online exploitation and how she responded to these situations.

Desiree discusses further instances of online exploitation and how she responded to these situations.

  • She talks about the continuation of online abuse with other men and her reasons for engaging with them, including the pursuit of attention.
  • Desiree acknowledges her role in these interactions and the guilt she carries.

Chapter 10

Desiree's Reflection on Social Media's Role in Her Life

15:21 - 1 min, 37 sec

Desiree reflects on the role social media has played in her life and the negative consequences it has brought.

Desiree reflects on the role social media has played in her life and the negative consequences it has brought.

  • She discusses the dangers of data brokers and hackers exploiting personal information online.
  • Desiree advocates for the protection of privacy and digital security.

Chapter 11

Desiree's Complex Feelings Toward Her Family

16:58 - 1 min, 27 sec

Desiree expresses her complex feelings towards her family and her sense of disconnection from them.

Desiree expresses her complex feelings towards her family and her sense of disconnection from them.

  • She feels a lack of love and connection with her family, including her older sister, younger brother, and extended family members.
  • Desiree describes her struggle to reconcile her feelings and her longing for genuine family bonds.

Chapter 12

Desiree's Journey Through Online Grooming and Its Aftermath

18:24 - 2 min, 45 sec

Desiree narrates her journey through online grooming, detailing the aftermath and her road to change.

Desiree narrates her journey through online grooming, detailing the aftermath and her road to change.

  • She recounts how the cycle of grooming and exploitation by older men online has led her to a path of self-awareness and the decision to stop.
  • Desiree speaks about the difficulties of adjusting to normal teenage life and how she battles with the lingering effects of her past experiences.

Chapter 13

The Ongoing Struggle with Online Harassment and Self-Perception

21:09 - 2 min, 47 sec

Desiree discusses the ongoing struggle with online harassment, her self-perception, and the desire for change.

Desiree discusses the ongoing struggle with online harassment, her self-perception, and the desire for change.

  • She talks about the continuous online harassment she faced from various men and her negative self-perception stemming from these experiences.
  • Desiree expresses her desire to stop engaging in harmful online behavior and to start living as a normal teenager.

Chapter 14

Desiree's Realization of Her Role in Online Interactions

23:56 - 2 min, 9 sec

Desiree comes to a realization about her role in the harmful online interactions and the need to accept responsibility.

Desiree comes to a realization about her role in the harmful online interactions and the need to accept responsibility.

  • She acknowledges the role she played in engaging with online predators, and the sense of guilt and responsibility she feels for her actions.
  • Desiree reflects on the need for self-awareness and the importance of recognizing her own faults.

Chapter 15

Desiree's Experience with Intimacy and Trust

26:05 - 1 min, 38 sec

Desiree shares her challenges with intimacy and trust, influenced by her past online experiences.

Desiree shares her challenges with intimacy and trust, influenced by her past online experiences.

  • She discusses the difficulty she faces when attempting to be intimate with her boyfriend, stemming from her online grooming experiences.
  • Desiree highlights the long-lasting impact of online abuse on her ability to trust and connect with others.

Chapter 16

Desiree's Closing Thoughts on Social Media's Influence on Youth

27:43 - 19 min, 40 sec

Desiree concludes with her thoughts on the influence of social media on the youth and the need for change.

Desiree concludes with her thoughts on the influence of social media on the youth and the need for change.

  • She criticizes the easy access to social media and the internet for children, emphasizing the potential dangers and negative consequences.
  • Desiree advocates for limiting children's access to social media to protect them from online predators and to prevent the mental health issues she experienced.

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