The "No Contact Rule" Explained | Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

Matthew Hussey

24 min, 49 sec

A deep dive into the concept of the no contact rule following a breakup, its importance, and how to handle situations when an ex reaches out during this period.

Summary

  • The no contact rule is a guiding principle designed to help individuals heal after a breakup by taking a 21-day break from their ex.
  • Maintaining no contact allows for detoxing from the relationship, avoiding impulsive actions, and creating space for healing.
  • No contact serves to raise the stakes for the ex, creating mystery and preventing them from experiencing the full emotional impact of their decision.
  • Sending a 'goodbye' or 'taking your decision seriously' message upholds the no contact principle while acknowledging the breakup.
  • If an ex reaches out during the no contact period, it's important to maintain standards and only entertain communication that shows a genuine intent to reconcile.

Chapter 1

Introduction to the No Contact Rule

0:00 - 36 sec

Introduction to the concept of the no contact rule and its significance after a breakup.

Introduction to the concept of the no contact rule and its significance after a breakup.

  • The no contact rule after a breakup involves not contacting the former partner to discuss the relationship or personal growth.
  • It is designed to allow both individuals to have a true break and start the healing process.
  • No contact often raises questions among people who are going through a breakup and seeking to understand its impact.

Chapter 2

The Dilemma of Creating a Program to Win Someone Back

0:36 - 1 min, 19 sec

Addressing the ethical and practical concerns of creating a program aimed at getting an ex to return.

Addressing the ethical and practical concerns of creating a program aimed at getting an ex to return.

  • The program 'Get Him Running Back to You' was developed despite initial hesitations due to the demand for advice on rekindling relationships post-breakup.
  • The program focuses on personal growth, ensuring that individuals move on strongly regardless of whether they reconcile with their ex.
  • The creator debated internally and with his team about the implications of creating such a program.

Chapter 3

The 21-Day No Contact Principle

1:54 - 1 min, 6 sec

Explaining the 21-day period of no contact as a principle rather than a strict rule.

Explaining the 21-day period of no contact as a principle rather than a strict rule.

  • The 21-day no contact period is a principle, not an absolute rule, intended to provide a clean break from the ex.
  • This period involves detoxing from the relationship and is crucial for starting the process of healing.
  • The no contact principle is about creating space and avoiding reactivating the emotional wound through continued interaction.

Chapter 4

The Emotional Turmoil After a Breakup

3:01 - 15 sec

Describing the intense emotional state individuals experience following a breakup.

Describing the intense emotional state individuals experience following a breakup.

  • Post-breakup, individuals often feel like 'living zombies', feeling intense emotions yet struggling to function in daily life.
  • The no contact period is difficult to endure, especially when dealing with the immediate desire for reconciliation and comfort.

Chapter 5

The Importance of the No Contact Period

3:15 - 2 min, 24 sec

Outlining the reasons why adhering to the no contact period is beneficial after a breakup.

Outlining the reasons why adhering to the no contact period is beneficial after a breakup.

  • The no contact period provides space for healing and prevents impulsive actions that could later be regretted.
  • It prevents the ex from having a safety net and experiencing the consequences of the breakup, potentially leading them to reconsider.
  • The no contact period creates mystery and raises the stakes by not revealing every emotion and thought post-breakup.

Chapter 6

Communicating Post-Breakup and the Goodbye Letter

5:39 - 2 min, 44 sec

Discussing how to communicate with an ex after the breakup and the concept of a 'goodbye' letter.

Discussing how to communicate with an ex after the breakup and the concept of a 'goodbye' letter.

  • Sending a message that acknowledges the ex's decision to break up shows respect and assertiveness.
  • The 'goodbye' letter, or a message emphasizing taking the breakup decision seriously, removes neediness and desperation from the equation.
  • It communicates strength, independence, and the ability to move on, which can be compelling to an ex.

Chapter 7

Responding to an Ex During the No Contact Period

8:23 - 4 min, 34 sec

Guidance on how to handle situations when an ex reaches out during the no contact period.

Guidance on how to handle situations when an ex reaches out during the no contact period.

  • When an ex reaches out, it's crucial to maintain standards and not engage unless they express a genuine intent to reconcile.
  • Responding to breadcrumbs can prevent the ex from feeling the full impact of their decision and may hinder personal healing.
  • Communicating that no contact is necessary unless the ex has changed their mind about the breakup reinforces personal standards.

Chapter 8

The No Contact Rule as an Act of Self-Love

12:57 - 6 min, 53 sec

Final thoughts on the no contact rule as a form of self-respect and self-love during a difficult time.

Final thoughts on the no contact rule as a form of self-respect and self-love during a difficult time.

  • The no contact rule is about upholding the highest standard of self-love and respect, despite the strong desire for reconciliation.
  • It involves setting firm boundaries to allow for healing and personal growth, establishing the importance of intent in communication post-breakup.
  • The no contact principle sustains character by holding to one's standards in challenging times.

Chapter 9

Moving Forward with the No Contact Rule

19:50 - 4 min, 37 sec

Encouraging moving on with life using the no contact rule, whether or not the relationship is rekindled.

Encouraging moving on with life using the no contact rule, whether or not the relationship is rekindled.

  • The no contact rule should align with the actions one would take to move on if the relationship does not resume.
  • A free guide called 'Move On Strong' is offered to help individuals heal and grow post-breakup.
  • The strategy for rekindling a relationship should not conflict with the process of moving on without the ex.