VideoGist - What to Do When You Offend Someone | Lambers Fisher

What to Do When You Offend Someone | Lambers Fisher | TED

TED

12 min, 13 sec

The speaker discusses the inevitability of causing offense in relationships and offers strategies to cope and strengthen bonds.

Summary

The speaker acknowledges that good intentions can sometimes lead to offense and emphasizes the importance of maintaining positive intentions.
They introduce the concept of accepting the inevitability of offense and ignorance, and provide strategies for relationship strengthening.
Four relationship-strengthening principles are presented: embracing the inevitability of offense, acknowledging ignorance, understanding misunderstandings, and reassuring those hurt.
The speaker, a marriage and family therapist, draws from professional experiences with couples to illustrate these principles.
The talk concludes with a call to action for individuals to put these principles into practice to improve their personal and professional relationships.

Chapter 1

0:04 - 1 min, 16 sec

The speaker reflects on the importance of good intentions and the complexity of unintentional offense.

Good intentions are crucial for positive interactions, despite the polarizing nature of the world.
The frustration of unintentional offense is acknowledged, and the unhealthy responses to it are highlighted.
The speaker expresses concern about living in fear of unintentional offenses and proposes a different approach.

Chapter 2

1:23 - 1 min, 42 sec

The speaker invites the audience to join in learning to accept the inevitability of offense.

A change of perspective is suggested: accepting offense as inevitable rather than fearing it.
The speaker shares insights from 20-plus years as a marriage and family therapist.
Couples' misconceptions about never disagreeing are discussed, emphasizing the normality and inevitability of offense.

Chapter 3

3:05 - 2 min, 53 sec

The speaker shares the first two principles for strengthening relationships, focusing on offense and ignorance.

The lack of a definitive list of offenses is acknowledged, highlighting the subjective nature of offense.
The first principle revolves around learning from offenses and working to avoid repeating them.
The inevitability of ignorance is introduced, urging acceptance of our lack of knowledge and the need to learn.

Chapter 4

5:58 - 2 min, 11 sec

The speaker discusses the final two principles, dealing with misunderstanding and the importance of reassurance.

Misunderstandings in communication are inevitable due to different backgrounds and experiences.
Accepting the inevitability of misunderstandings is crucial, as is learning to reassure those who feel threatened.
The speaker emphasizes the value of reassurance over explanations and justifications.

Chapter 5

8:09 - 3 min, 56 sec

The speaker explores the impact of good intentions and calls for a commitment to change and reassurance.

The limitations of good intentions are explored, emphasizing the need for changed behavior over mere reassurance.
The audience is reminded of the role they can play in preventing misunderstandings and unintentional offenses.
The talk concludes with a call to action to accept the inevitability of offense and work towards reducing its frequency.