The myth of romantic love, propagated by popular culture, suggests finding the perfect romantic match can provide life-long happiness and fulfillment.

• The myth of romantic love is pervasive in popular culture, and it paints a picture of a perfect romantic match leading to a life of happiness and fulfillment.
• Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck called this belief the 'myth of romantic love' and indicated that it destroys one's capacity to cultivate the healthy and realistic love that sustains fulfilling relationships.
• Belief in this myth can burden relationships and often leads to their failure.

The 'Magical Other' refers to an idealized romantic partner who can meet all of an individual's needs and desires, essentially saving them from their personal struggles.

• Psychologist James Hollis coined the term 'Magical Other' to refer to the perfect romantic match that people often seek.
• The search for the 'Magical Other' often intensifies as traditional sources of meaning such as religion, family, and community erode.
• People tend to believe that there is one person out there who is right for them, a 'soul-mate' who can repair the ravages of their personal history and meet their deepest needs.

The early stages of a relationship can give the illusion of having found the 'Magical Other', but reality eventually sets in, revealing the partner's human flaws and imperfections.

• The early stages of a relationship, characterized by the flooding of the brain with dopamine and oxytocin, can create the illusion of having found the 'Magical Other'.
• However, as reality sets in, the romantic partner is revealed to be human, with faults, flaws, and bad habits.
• The partner does not always meet one's needs or fulfill one's expectations, leading to feelings of indifference, disappointment, and even disdain.

Holding onto the expectation that a romantic partner should be the primary source of life's meaning can lead to resentment and place undue pressure on the relationship.

• For those enthralled by the myth of romantic love, the conclusion of the honeymoon period can be a troubling experience.
• The widening gap between the fantasy of who they want their partner to be, and who they really are, can lead to resentment and mounting pressures that either strain or break the relationship.
• A pathological dynamic can also develop where one partner tries to manipulate and control the other to fit their idealized image.

Cultivating self-love through individual growth and personal achievements is proposed as a healthier alternative.

• Rather than seeking salvation in someone else's affection, one should focus on cultivating self-love.
• We are born alone, die alone, and though we can bridge the boundaries separating us from others, they can never be transcended. Accepting this reality is key to cultivating self-love.
• Focusing on personal growth, pursuing excellence in a vocation, cultivating enriching hobbies, creating a network of inspiring friends, and devoting oneself to rewarding goals can make one's solitary journey meaningful and cultivate self-love.

A healthy relationship should respect and cultivate the individuality of each partner, rather than seeking a merging of identities.

• A romantic partner can support and enrich our journey, just as we can support and enrich theirs. However, using a relationship to flee from the burdens of existence and to seek fulfillment in another person can cripple us with infantile dependencies.
• The earthly salvation that we seek can only be found by cultivating and affirming our individual journey; it cannot be found in the arms of another.
• A healthy relationship respects and cultivates the individuality of the partners. Two people love each other only when they are quite capable of living without each other but choose to live with each other.